I know I need some extra support…. why can’t I make that counselling appointment?
I feel so stuck, but…
You’re feeling stuck and can’t figure out what to do or where to go. You are stressed, sad, angry, anxious, or overwhelmed with life. You know that there are different types of professionals who can help you and you have googled counsellors or psychologists near you. You have even picked one that you think might be a good fit. You’ve visited their website, you’ve got directions to their clinic, you’ve looked at their social media. But you just can’t seem to take the step to contact them, to ring, email or even book an appointment online. And you can’t figure out what it is that is stopping you from taking this step.
Many people experience this somewhat intangible barrier to seeking professional support. You are not alone. There was certainly a time in my life where I experienced back-to-back challenging life events. For me this occurred over a few years, slowly chipping away at my wellbeing. I knew for 6-months before I made my first appointment to see a counsellor that I needed to talk to a professional. I had the counsellor picked out, but I just couldn’t bring myself to make contact and book an appointment. Despite being intellectually aware that the constant feelings of overwhelm and worry, the teariness, the sleepless nights and cement block in my stomach were not going to go away on their own, to ask for help felt like I was admitting that there was something deeply and irreversibly wrong with me. Despite these symptoms and the impact of years of events rife with grief, loss, change and distress, it took the sudden death of my beloved dog to finally push me to action.
Is there something ‘wrong’ with me?
To experience worry and fear about seeing a counsellor is to be human. To make an appointment with a person who is a stranger, and to talk about deeply personal parts of your life can be a very challenging concept to wrap our brains around. There are a variety of reasons that research has shown that may stop us from asking for help with our mental health and wellbeing. These include (1,2,3):
- Fearing stigma from friends, family, or our workplace
- Fearing judgement if we disclose our deepest thoughts and feelings, and that we will be seen as weak
- Our own internal conflict about who we are and what we need
- Anticipation and fear that we might learn something about ourselves we don’t want to know
- Simply not knowing what to expect from a counsellor and the counselling experience
- Worry about confidentiality
- Perceiving how we are feeling and the issue at hand as not serious enough when compared to what other people are experiencing
- Doubt that counselling will help us
- Misinformation about what counselling is like, what it is useful for and who might benefit from it
What I see and feel as a counsellor
When I see people for their first session, the stress and worry they are experiencing is often palpable in the first few moments. As we get settled and start to chat and get to know each other, I can see and feel the distress begin to decrease and flow away from them. People often say after that initial session how relieved they feel, how decompressed and calmer their bodies and brains feel just by sharing their story and feeling heard and supported.
As a professional counsellor who has also taken part in my own counselling, I can share that the relief that I felt after my first counselling session was a powerful experience. That first appointment gave me hope that:
a) there wasn’t something wrong with me,
b) there were things I could do to help myself and become unstuck and,
c) there was this one person who listened and understood what I was trying to say without making me feel ashamed, judged, or like I was being silly and emotional for no reason.
What seeking help really says about us
Help seeking is an incredible strength that does not get the credit it deserves in our adult worlds. Here are some important points to remember about seeking counselling support, and what this says about us (2, 3):
- It takes a huge amount of strength to take this step
- It takes bravery to be able to sit with another person, verbalise what’s going on for you and to share your thoughts and feelings
- It takes insight and acceptance to acknowledge that you need a bit of extra help
- You are prioritising your health and looking after yourself
- You are wanting to grow and find different opportunities to develop your life
- You are taking a proactive and healthy action that benefits your overall health and wellbeing and improves short and long-term life satisfaction
You can access counselling support for any reason that feels right for you.
It doesn’t have to be because of a terrible event, or illness. It can simply be to work through a challenging work assignment, or a friendship interaction that is causing you stress, or just as a regular outlet to maintain balance in your life.
I’m not saying counselling is easy, or that challenges will instantly be resolved. Change is hard work, even when it is something we really want. Resolutions take time, persistence and accepting personal responsibility. It sounds trite, but we are responsible for ourselves and the only one who can action change to our lives is us. While this is true, it is also true that you do not have to do this on your own, and sharing the load with a professional who provides a safe place for support and exploration, makes the load of our experiences and the anticipation of change just that little bit easier to manage.